I've had an idea I'd like to throw at you all. While ever I can keep coming up with them, each week or fortnight I'll be asking a question and inviting you all to write your answers in the comments section. The questions could be in relation to how you feel about certain aspects of GNER's service or

Obviously I don't know if anybody thinks this is a good idea so I might as well do it anyway.

As a starter I thought I'd like to know what happened when you met the funniest or wiredest nutter you've ever had the missfortune to meet on a train.

Now I'm sure our mates from GNER have met more than a few so I can't wait to see if they post and answers but I hope you do. I'm sure there's more than a few passengers with a story to tell.

Mine concerns a certain Scottish gentleman back in the days when the end of coach B was the smoking cell. I hope you like it.

I was one of the last to board a particularly busy 07.40 service one moring and was surprised to see 2 spare seats at a table seat. Not being a daft person I thought great, put my bag in the overhead whats it and started to nudge myslef over to the window seat. I sat down at said table, got my paper out and proceeded to read the paper. Not once did I look at the sole person sat opposite who I didn't see when I boarded due to the back of the seat being in the way.

As we left the station I glanced over my paper to look outta the window. From the corner of my eye I spied what looked like a dozen tins of larger festooned over the table. I found this hard to believe at 07.40 in the morning. So unbeleivable that I had to look hard at the table to make sure that trip my mum took back in the sixties while pregnant with me, hadn't had some lasting affect on her offspring.

It hadn't. Not only were there 6 empty can on the table, there were 4 full ones too. Sadley I'm not finished becasue that's not all there was. In between and sometimes covering the cans was what can only be described as a Fagash beach. My first thought was no wonder nobody sat here. Being 7.40 in the morning I obviously wasn't thinking straight because my second was fracking GNERRRRRRRR. Too lazy to clean a fracking table. I should have known better because of course they.re not lazy. It was then that I looked at the bloke opposite so that he knew I was as discussted as he was. , staring at me like a group of Liverpool fans would stare at a bunch of Man U fans trying to get into the Kop on match day.

Fuck!

I'll desribe him. He's mid 60's, long, frizzey, unkempt grey hair and a full beard to match. What you can see of his face of the colour of an overipe strawberry. He's dressed in a white shirt and a very nice, expensive formal evening suit complete with hankey in the top pocket. It's of the style worn during the 40's in posh london nightclubs and the movies. Hope you know what I mean.

I'm sorry. I've led you up the garden. What I should have said is ' He's dressed in a stained white shirt and a very nice, very dirty, unironed, expensive formal evening suit complete with snotty yellow hankey in the top pocket. This is covered by an equally dirty, equally creased, equally expensive long, trench type coat. Shirt, suit and overcoat were also covered in fagash.

Fuckity fuck!

I looked arround for another chair or even a bit of sympathy. There was non forth coming. I had no option but to stay were I was or stand in the vestibule. I decided to risk it for a swiskit. (can't buy them anymore but do you remember the add?)

The journey continued. Matey boy continued to stare and I read my paper. He chain smoked incessantly and the ash fell where it fell. At some point I heard the crack of another tinny being opened and shortly after it went silent. I looke dup. He'd fallen asleep. As we got near Stevenage, I thought, 'KX in 20 mins. Im going to get away with this'.
Fuck how I like to tempt fate.

And fate usually wins. He certainly did this time only it was me who put the foot in it and helped him along the way. Kinda anyway.

After a while, matey boy start shuffling a little. The coach is all quiet so I can hear him but I don't look up. All of a sudden I hear a noise which reminds me of what it sounds like when your drunk and you miss the toilet and piss on the carpet. (Any bloke who sayes it hasn't happened to him, is a liar). I look at mately boy. He has a look of happiness, releif and joy on his face, though his eyes are closed. 'No? He's not? I thought. 'He's taking a piss'. I looked down at the bottom of my trousers. Wet and splashed. He fucking is!'

Well I'm not having that. The next minute of so went like this: -
'Oi'. 'Are you having a fucking laugh?'
In thick Glaswegian -
'Me?'
Looks down between his legs confirming my suspisions.
'Ah, Sorry mate'
Slowly he moves his hands to shake his trousers of liquid. looking at me hard all the time
'Ah just split me beer'
Hands rise above table level holding a tin of Tennants Super.
I didn't believe him and stared back just as hard as can be
'I hope it is your Fucking beer'.
'Ya did ne think as was taking as piss did ya?'
'Yes, That's exactly what I heard and that's exactly what I think.
Passengers staring at me from all angles (hopefully waiting to save me should he pounce)
'Nah mate, not me. That's fucking discusting. I widne di that'
'Are you sure?'
'Ah corse I'm fucking sure ya cheeky cunt'

Fuckity, Fuckity, Fuckity fuck.

I put on a brave face and held my ground.
'Yes it is and just make sure you keep it that way and that's all you spill alright?'

'GRRRRRRRRRRRR' Was all he said.

Sadly (depending how you look on it) this story is a bit of an anti climax because apart from staring at me ALL the way into KX (15 mins or so) that's all he did. For once in my life I didn't wait until the train had stopped before moving me arse of the seat. Without warning I jumped up and got up as soon we got to the first tunnel, I walked to the other end of the coach and got as much space between me and him as I could. I his state he wasn't likely to be in any condition to follow or keep up and by the time he stood up other passengers would have been between us.

As we pulled into KX cross I looked over my shoulder. He was still staring at me. I never saw him again and hope i never do.

Sorry for the spelling and grammer. I'll edit it if I can be arsed.

This mornings 07.20 was 5 mins late into P'bor and 6 mins late into KX. The reason. Speed restrictions between Donny and Newark, we got stuck behind the 07.26 FCC from Boro to Huntingdon and then stuck again from Stevenage into London.

It just goes to show how a 5 min delay on the trip into Tinsel Town can frack the whole service up. A few minutes earlier and with the extra time GNER build into the Timetable, it's more than possible for them to make the time up and arrive on time. Get stuck behind the slower trains and that's it.

Take a look at the passenger focus web site. They've just released the customer satisfaction figs for the last 6 months. Not a lot has changed for GNER though. On the bright side there are more green positives than red negatives to report. Least surprising of all are the value for money figures with only 55% beleiving GNER offer value for money and only 48% satisfied with the parking facilities. I've included a PDF copy of the result for anybody wishing to look though they also give the result for all TOC's.